I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
