woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
