Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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