no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
