im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
