Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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