how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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