Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
