Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
