I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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