He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
