If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
