why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
