Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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