i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
