i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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