She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize