did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
