No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize