Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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