I think my vagina is haunted
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
