I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
