carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
