he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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