Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
