A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
