I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
