I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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