I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
