good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize