we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
