Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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