His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
