Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
