Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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