do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
