just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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