Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
