so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
