I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
