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This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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