He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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