Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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