you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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