Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
