So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
