i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
