it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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