I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
