So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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