I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize