i wish my penis had a tongue
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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