i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
