what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
