babies were throwing up all over the place
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
