It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
