Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
