Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There's always time for handjobs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
