Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
