so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
