i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
