it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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