Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
