He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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