sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
