and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
