god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
