I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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